5) The bizarre language on the shampoo bottles in my shower . . .

Apparently, b/c French has all the sensuality we can humanly fit into one language, someone somewhere decided that we would enjoy shampoo much more if foreign words were on the bottles. The ironic part is that, in order to get by with this, they often have to translate "shampoo" into "shampooing" which I think is unusually (but amusingly) clumsy for French.

Another bottle places the word "Rejuvenating" in a seemingly random place on the bottle. Ponce DAY Le-on himself would be mighty disappointed to find out, after all that exploring, that hundreds of years later we so easily and elegantly packaged the Fountain of Youth in a bottle of shampoo. That same bottle is the company's "Asian Pear & Red Tea" line of body care products, despite the fact that these two ingredients are preceded in quantity by Disodium Laureth Sulfosuccinate, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, PEG-120 Methyl Glucose Dioleate, Decyl Glucoside. Call me old-fashioned, but Cocamidopropyl Betaine just doesn't make me feel as exotic as Asian Pear.

And back to the bilingual bottle: "If your hair acts bored . . ." then simply apply "Nature's boredom-banishers, including clarifying Florida Grapefruit and invigorating French Peppermint, giv[ing] ho-hum hair a refreshing burst of enthusiasm, while mounds of frothy lather sweep away the clingy deposits that drag hair down and leave it lifeless. Limp, lazy, lackluster locks get back into the swing of things, shine again, take on a totally fresh, new attitude." Enthusiastic hair? Grapefruit that clarifies? I think you can see where all of this is heading . . .